Not much to report this week. I haven't done much, my house is a mess and I have more laundry to do even though I've been doing it since I got home Monday night. Today was Charlotte's first day of Play Ball. Play Ball is basically an extra curricular activity at the girls' school that's like P.E. from when we were little - but it's not included in the curriculum so you have to pay for it. Don't get Tad started on that and the cost of tuition for 2 children in montessori school. But lucky for us my mom really wanted to do something for special Charlotte since she isn't her teacher this year so she's picking up the bill. (She continues to put herself on this guilt trip for no reason - but I can only tell her so many times it's not going to scar Charlotte if grandma isn't her teacher). SO, Charlotte started today and I thought she looked so cute. I tried to get a picture of the little stinker, but of course she wouldn't stay still. SO, this picture is as good as its going to get.
She must have done well because her "coach" who I've never met told every person at the school how cute that little Charlotte is and how excited and well she did in class. I know this because every person I saw today at school told me the "coach" told them this. So she likes to Play Ball!
I ran into my friend Laura last night who I was so excited to see. I've been dying to congratulate her and her hubby on their pregnancy. She is 17 weeks along and looked fabulous. I feel so out of touch with all my old FSG folks. I know Laura and Andrew are going to be great parents. I've always pictured Laura as a mom, and I know Andrew will be a good dad - but when I think of him I still see the new college recruit I tortured with my long winded explanations of Merchandise Tracking testing. Oh well. He probably still thinks of me as that annoying, overbearing, super controlling, somewhat neurotic business analyst. I really need to keep better in touch with everyone.
Tonight I watched Primetime. It was the 5th anniversary of the 9/11 widows and the babies born after the tragedy. It was heart wrenching. At the end of the show they did a montage of photos of the dads who died and the children they left behind while that song 'I'm already there' played. I'm sorry, but if you don't cry at that you are a cold heartless person whom I pity. This story really touches me each year. Not because I have any idea what these women have gone through, but because it always reminds me of the emotions I felt during those weeks after 9/11.
I had discovered I was pregnant a couple weeks before (I was 8 or 9 weeks along with Sarah-Grace) and we had just told everyone. I remember that day I got out of my car at work (I was running late because I felt like crap because I was pregnant). Tad called my cell phone and said he was watching Good Morning America when they were reporting a story of a plane crashing into the World Trade Center and during the report another plane crashed into the other tower LIVE on tv. He kept talking while I was walking through the doors of FSG. Right inside the doors there are 4 tv screens that they usually have different shows, FSG crap on and when I walked in all 4 screens were made into 1 and the news was on reporting what was happening. People were starting to gather in the lobby. I said goodbye to Tad and went up to my floor to work.
The morning was CRAZY. My good friend Jenny's hubby was suppose to be flying out (I can't remember if it was that day or the next) and we were worried about him. "We" (Federated Logistics) had (well actually they still have) a distribution center in Secaucus, NJ (which is across the water from the WTC towers). The people we worked with in NY were upset, many of them had family in that worked in the towers. They were trying to call their friends and family and the lines were impossible to get through on. I remember trying to work while rumors just keep pouring in. No one was getting anything done. I had to go into my director's office for something and he was the one who told me that the Pentagon had been attacked. Everyone was wondering if we were at war. Finally an announement was made that all conference rooms would be opened up with TV's on and tuned into the news for people to come and watch what was going on. I worked for a little longer then walked down to the main (largest) conference room on the first floor. It had a huge TV screen and I sat down to watch. It was about 5 - 10 minutes before the first tower fell. I remember sitting there, talking with everyone. Everyone was discussing if the towers might fall. Many kept saying no way - that they would hold. But I was one of the ones thinking that the towers were going to collapse. And sure enough me and a room full of my co-workers watched in horror together as it did. I started to tear up and quietly cry. I was so set back by how emotional I was being. I used to hold myself together so well - but I was soon to learn that pregnancy and motherhood has striped me of that trait. All I could do was sit there and think 'what is going on?, what kind of world am I bringing a child into? yesterday I had a bright future for this little baby and today I learned that the world this child grows up in could be very different from what I had just yesterday.' That's really scary to start thinking about.
I know that sounds really cheesy and over dramatic - but that feeling really affected me over those next few weeks. I got to where I didn't want to watch or see anything about 9/11 - which was impossible at the time to do since its all that was on TV and the only thing anyone wanted to talk about. So I got really cranky and crabby with everyone. I just couldn't think about what was going on. I felt helpless and overwhelmed. I eventually got over that and things calmed down, hope was restored to me and everyone and everything around me, but these widows stories for some reason remind me and resonate that time in my life and those feelings I had. Anyway, you may not care about this but I wanted something to have to remember that.
